i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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