I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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