Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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