part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
