Buhtt sex?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
