It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
