I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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