how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
