you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
