We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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