just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it was like eating out sand paper
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
