I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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