I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
