I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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