Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
