i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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