So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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