I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
