i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
