I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
