If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She even gives head with a lisp.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize