Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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