Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
