I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
