wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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