I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
