I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
