:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
