i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
