my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize