I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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