summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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