your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
