On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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