dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
