I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize