my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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