I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
