direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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