I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
