Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
