I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
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