I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
