He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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