SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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