This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
