dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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