I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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