Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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