This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
