pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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