Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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