bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
