mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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