Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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