that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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