Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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