I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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