whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
