i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
