She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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