hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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