dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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