Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
