Moan for me like Helen Keller
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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