bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
