I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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