I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Of course I have a pirate flag
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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