she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it glows. i had to have it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
