we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
