If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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