I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
