thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
