youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
