It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
