saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
