i was born a porn star she said
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we're so committed to being not committed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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