yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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