You made me cry and you don't even care
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
