shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
