Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize