I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
