also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
