Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he shaved USA in his pubs
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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