U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
