Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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