Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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