what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
