I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
