I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
