So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
