it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I supernannyed him into submission
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
