she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
