I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
