we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
