I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
