things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
