So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
